body broken, moving, and Wep Ronpet - '25-08-29

grrRRAHHHH everything kinda sucks right now. this post is kinda venty so feel free to skip this one, i wouldn't be offended. :']

okay so i fell off my skateboard like an idiot and the next day my side was hurting a bit. NOW, a week later, it feels like i broke a fucking rib or something????? it hurts to breathe, lay down, walk, anything. i was trying so hard not to cry today and this evening i just kinda broke, which is embarrassing cuz my partner's friend is currently visiting and i HATE when people see me cry.

unfortunately, im a fucking crybaby. im just grateful he's an empathetic guy and he was genuinely kind to me while i was upset. this pain has been ruining my mood for two days now, i just can't think straight, even with pain medication the stuff i have just isn't enough i guess.

im doing a little better right now, but it's still hard to think of anything positive currently. i don't have motivation to do anything and nothing seems even remotely interesting tonight. i just kinda wanna lay down and shrivel up. but laying down also hurts if i don't lay right. today is rough.

in other news, we have to move houses. landlord is going through some hard stuff so while he isn't rushing for us to go, we're gonna move sooner rather than later in the event that shit hits the fan on his end. it's really annoying, we've only lived in this house for 2 years. on the bright side, at least we can look for a place with cheaper rent since we don't need so much space (our current home is pretty spacious with an extra room we really don't need anymore).

so that's what life is currently handing to me and yeah it kinda sucks. little things keep setting me off, im not usually like this.

there's a part of me that thinks it's because i was unable to celebrate Wep Ronpet properly this year, like the Gods are disappointed with me. for those unaware, Wep Ronpet is the ancient egyptian (aka kemetic) new year, celebrated in correspondence with the rising of Sopdet (the sirius star). in my side of the world, Sopdet was set to rise on the 27th, and so on the 5 days leading up to that we have the Epagomenial Days. these 5 days are the birthdays of the "main" Gods and Goddesses of the kemetic pantheon; Wesir (Osiris), Heru-Wer (Horus the Elder), Sutekh (Seth), Aset (Isis), and Nebet-Het (Nephthys).

on the first day, Wesir's day, i just... forgot. fucking idiot. i could make the excuse that i had work but it was a short shift, i had time. the next day, i ended up performing shrine for both Wesir and Heru-Wer, which really made me feel embarrassed. i wanted to make up for my forgetfulness but honestly i still felt guilty after; imagine showing up to a friend's birthday on time and also having to say 'hey, happy late birthday!' to their sibling.. except these aren't just friends they're literally the Netjeru.

i managed to show up for both Sutekh and Aset's days without issue, buuuut of course i had to fuck up -again- and i forgot to perform shrine for Nebet-Het. Her day just so happened to land on my own brother's birthday and i was preoccupied with that. once the actual day of Wep Ronpet actually hit i honestly didn't even have the motivation to celebrate properly. i was already so ashamed from messing up the Epagomenial days, plus i was working again, and ive been in increasingly more pain. Netjeru forgive me, i used to be so excited to celebrate Wep Ronpet; from 2018 up to 2023 i celebrated every year with all the festivities, even the pot breaking ritual! now, i don't even have a real shrine. my Icons are not in a sacred space and all i have is my e-shrine here in cyberhell.

after we move, i WILL make a physical shrine, no matter how small it has to be; i just want to worship the Netjeru the way i used to before. i really hope They aren't too disappointed in me.